a stark naked moment

Just a few hours ago, while my Sophomores were writing their movie reviews on Hotel Rwanda, one of them - who was already done writing her review - asked me random questions about my preferences.

Jenny Gonzales interviewed me on the shows, movies, series, and what not that I watch on TV. Her always almost poker face look changed upon hearing that I rarely watch TV. Her sighs and body language all signaled more frustration when she started enumerating the series that she watches only to find out that I either have just heard about the series or I have no idea what the heck in the world she is talking about.

She then asked me what I watch. I told her that I watch shows whenever I can but that I do love Supernatural and reality shows like Survivor and Amazing Race. Then it dawned on me, after this very random, lazy, Tuesday afternoon conversation with a teenager, that this is a perfect reflection of the many aspects of my life.

Somehow my love for geometrical patterns and their simplicity has transcended and defined how I run my life. Certainties and patterns define my life. I love routines. I used to think I hated a routine lifestyle but here I am doing almost exactly the same thing every single day of my life: I wake up at 4 am, I go to school, I teach, I check papers or prepare materials and documents, I go to the gym and show up in the classes I attend regularly, go home, do some Facebook stuff, read something, then sleep. Then the next day the same thing happens again. That's my week. Weekends are not any different. I wake up at 9 am, go to the grocery, cook lunch, go to the gym, go home and watch a series or a movie that I have seen for infinite number of times I could recite the lines of every character. Then Monday comes again and things start rolling pretty much the same way it did the week before that. A party here or a meet-up with friends there would sometimes change the schedule. But otherwise, the cycle repeats.

And now, reading that paragraph one more time got me more frustrated. I am 25. I am young. I am intelligent. I am me. Why am I resorting to leading a boring, endless routine life?

I couldn't answer that question. Why am I doing this with my life? I remember vividly that I used to be very energetic and excited with doing things that are new, unexpected, and simply fun. But what have I done?

Even in eating and drinking, I consume things that I am most comfortable with.

Scenarios:

1. Pizza Hut Bistro - Bacon Cheeseburger Sausage Filled Medium Size Pan Pizza and Pesto Chicken Penne

2. Starbucks - a) Toffee Nut Frappucino/Latte, no whipped cream, half-pump b) hot English Breakfast tea, c) caramel frappucino

3. Any bar - a glass or two or three of Weng Weng or Frozen Margarita

These are the exact same things I order over and over despite the number of times I have tasted them.

This is alarming.

I'll stop analyzing and I'll start acting.

I definitely need to watch a new series. Jenny or whoever, lend me a DVD and let me watch that new series. Whatever that may be. Surprise me.