whiling away while my heart tries to sustain

It has been three weeks since Dr. Frederick Gabriel, a fellow in the Philippine Heart Center, and Dr. Norberto Tuaño, a resident adult cardiology physician in PHC, has diagnosed me of ventricular septal defect or VSD.

The two doctors have recommended me to undergo surgery within the year because I am already symptomatic as proven by my cardiomegaly or heart enlargement. My heart is now almost twice its size; ballooning and expanding to compensate the requirements of my body to sustain my day-to-day stresses and activities.

During those three weeks, I have been thinking a lot what I need to do. I have not yet let the reality of a pending operation sink in.

How I wish this VSD can just be cured by drinking medicine or by simply resting. But that is not the case. VSD is a congenital heart disease. In researches I have done, the hole may eventually close but in my situation, the hole remains open. The recent 2d Echocardiogram I underwent revealed that I have a 0.7 cm hole in my heart, a perimembranous hole. As depicted in the photo I took from the website of Yale University, the hole is located somewhere in the middle of my heart.

I used to joke around that my heart was shot by one of Cupid's arrows, and lo and behold my heart actually looks like a heart with an inserted arrow - the kind we see during Valentine's Day.

On a slightly serious note, I fear for my life. I am young and the idea of dying soon is not at all appealing, most especially that I have not yet smelled the air from a different country. I cannot die without seeing the Stonehenges and the Pyramids of Giza.

So I guess, I need to embrace the fact that I need to undergo this operation. And to embrace that fact means to also embrace that I need to raise around 400 to 500 thousand pesos for the VSD closure/repair operation at the Philippine Heart Center.

While the funds are being raised, all I can do for now is to continue following what Dr. Gabriel and Dr. Tuaño have prescribed: 1) no physically strenuous activities even simple running; 2) lose weight by following a slightly vegetarian diet; and; 3) maintain a life free of stress. The first two I have been faithfully following since the date of prescription but the third one, I do not know if that can ever be fulfilled.

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards. And since I have to lessen the amount of sweet stuff I eat, I guess being stressed would satiate this sweet tooth of mine.