shovels and forks

The beginning of the rainy season has somehow provided a time to be more dramatic and melancholic about the various occurrences in our lives. Listening to music like Hide And Seek of Imogen Heap is heavenly these days; an escape.

For myself, more particularly, I have made this season a time to ponder on issues in my life that would gravely affect my future.

Digging deep into myself, I have come to realize that I am getting and growing older but some of my dreams have not yet been fulfilled. I am in a rush; I admit that. I feel that my heart disease is

I am one too complicated to understand; that's what I always tell myself. I really confuse everyone, even myself. Sometimes, I feel this; at other times, I feel that. I am killing myself with all these work I am doing in my life.

Fork roads face me. To follow my principles and continue living this way or to give some principles up and lead a different lifestyle? To do a tiring, non-routine job or to do a just-go-to-work-and-go-home-without-worrying-about-the-next-workday kind of job?

A student has commented on this blog and told me to think about what my old self would think of. I am suddenly reminded of a  episode where Phoebe (Allysa Milano) was deciding if she'd marry Cole. With the help of magick, Phoebe called her future and past selves. And this helped her decide somehow what she would do in her life.

How I wish I could do this now. But, alas, Hollywood is much more interesting and more powerful than my life. I guess I just have to decide on whatever is daunting on me now and just face the consequences. After all, a life that's linear is not exactly exciting.