an attempt at human connection

I am one too difficult to understand that I sometimes end up not really understanding what I am doing.

If unprepared, I confuse myself easily. I owe this to the fact that I rarely have time to think about myself, retrospect, or just simply stop thinking and worrying about so many random things. Even in yoga classes it is difficult for me to follow the direction to let go of all thoughts and just think of my breathing.  Inhale, exhale. Yeah, I know how that works. So why should I think about how my lungs expand and revert to its original size?

This blog has allowed me to do just what I badly need in my life: time for retrospection. Most of the time, I get the sense that people think I am too self-centered owing to the following anti-social habits: not greeting people, even those I know, in the morning; not properly replying or reacting to a wave of hello or a smile; staying in my office space unless I have to go to class or eat. But in reality, I do this because I am thinking of so many other things in my life: family and finances.

Instead of taking time to step out of my office space and into the world (both literally and figuratively), I worry. Each inhalation and exhalation brings forth worries. But little by little I am trying to be less of a monster worrier and begin being human.

However worked has piled up once again and I am not sure if I will have time to connect with humans again. I might alienate myself again.

Hopefully, this blog shall keep me sane and human. I am hoping that these snippets of my life is a good enough way to become successful in my attempt at human connection.